Answer: Because I am sitting on a dead horse... and I need to climb down off of it.
We all have our comfort zones--- my position on the couch trying to catch up to my roomate on the latest season of One Tree Hill, my medium Tim Horton`s coffee-two cream, two sweetener, my 7:40am wake up call trying to make it to work under the "ah crap! I`m ten minutes late" mark, my same day in day out fight with my dust covered running shoes...
I heard once that the only difference between a rut and a grave was that a rut allows you to get out at either side. And yet a browse through the self- help section at the local Chapters tends to cater to a population of which I do not adhere to. The employee stuck in their fifteenth year at the same job, the individual stuck in a dead end relationship, the woman who is so run to the ground that not even a credit card maxing retail experience leaves her without feeling a sense of satisfaction. I am none of these people. I am fresh out of university, am sitting before a buffet of job opportunities just waiting to be plucked at, and am too fiercely independent and unsettled to have found myself in that dismall or monotonous relationship. Yet here I sit, waiting, wondering, wishing, wanting... More More More.
I`m currently working on three separate and yet collaborating theories thought to be responsible for my constant need to change my surroundings. I always want something more. Day in- day out- my feet are itchy... and here`s why:
1. ME Generation: Yes. It is true. Unlike my baby boomer (ish) parents, and rather unlike my older siblings who found themselves born merely a decade before me, I am part of a generation that is consumed with everything that has something to do with.... well, ME! We are the "entitled whiners" or rather, the "Milennials." We go about our days putting our own needs above those of others and wanting big rewards for little work. But rather as one jorunalist writes, "The biggest problem with the ME Generation isn’t that they are spoiled, or looking for the easy way out of everything. It is that they have based happiness on what they are seeking--- and this becomes a problem because they are always wanting something more than what they have."
Personally, I lay blame on the bra burning feminists of the sixties. The pristine flower apron, the starched doilies, the white picket fence, the dining room table full of hungry children, and the bread earning partner is not going to cut it for me. Passing cubicles as I find my way to my own, I am surrounded by a plethora of portraits capturing baby`s first steps, smiles, Christmas`. Is this what I want? Truth be told- I don`t know. My bra burning ladies opened the door to a world of new and endless possibilites for women... something more.. and I`m mesmerized.
2. Cape Breton Roots: If your father wasn`t a fisherman, and your high school sweethart didn`t pan out (or impregnate you before your college acceptance letter came out), the next logical step meant leaving the roost and the only life that one had ever known. Like a snail being pulled out of her shell, the only option available became that of moving a substantial distance from that sense of comfort and home. School placements, job opportunities and field trips all led an individual further and further from their roots. And yet with the only known feeling of "home" being associated with a land that didn`t offer much in the way of social or economic opportunities, the Cape Bretoner was left with an inclination to keep on moving... in a perpetual never ending search to once again find that feeling of "home" experienced once before. And yet the irony is= you never seem to find it. The saying goes, "You`ll know where you want to be when you get there", and yet the older I get, I firmly believe that Capers are the exception to this rule. We are a displaced bunch of individuals.
3. Aquarius Traits: I was born on February 7 and therefore fall under the Aquarian zodiac sign. As an Aquarius, I need a great deal of independence and it should not be neglected. My independence is essential in order for me to develop and sustain the right lifestyle. In many ways, I am the quiet, retiring person who prefers her privacy. I will approach other peoples problems as I do my own, without emotion, logically and detached. As long as my views and privacy are respected I make a wonderful friend. My positive traits are originality, idealism, independence, and honesty. As an Aquarius, I am an air sign and I must realize that I need air, both physically and metaphorical. The Aquarian independence can also make me very remote from others thereby causing me some emotional problems.
As an Aquarius, I often find it hard to let anyone into my life; close emotional relationships for Aquarians are much more difficult than for any other sign. As an Aquarius, I find it hard to settle into and sustain one due to my powerful need for independence. Closeness for me means modifying my lifestyle and tolerating an invasion of my privacy, both material and psychological. I become overwhelmed by a constant need to spread my wings and fly away!... (solo)
Regardless of whether it`s the fact that my year of birth automatically defaults me a breed that constantly yearns for something other than what they`ve got, or my Cape Breton roots that cause me to feel habitually displaced, and even whether it be my fiercely independent nature linked to my astrological signage... it comes down to one simple fact: I`m currently sitting on top of a dead horse... AND it is time for me to go ahead and climb off of it! It`s time for me to climb out of the grave... and to put the horse in it instead!
I need to leave this material world so that I may once again experience that sense of humility that I once felt and adored. I need to retreat from those around me in order to escape the weight that I feel of their non- problems. I need to feel alive again. I need to restore my peripheral vision. I need to allow the new experiences and sights that will surround me to paint some colour back into my Emo rainbow. Excuse me while I embrace the upcoming year with a pocket full of brushes and begin to paint some colour into my own glorious rainbow:)
(Signed, the Aquarius!)
No comments:
Post a Comment